Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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