I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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