So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I intend to get homeless drunk
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
