I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
