youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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