there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is the high leading the old right now
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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