you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
