Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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