her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
