when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
