my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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