i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
