Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
