I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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