I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm like, not good at living.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
