It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
