So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
