I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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