i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
