Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize