oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
