Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
