Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
