You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize