yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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