Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
