u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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