none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
