My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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