You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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