I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
