So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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