How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
