Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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