i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize