1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
