last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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