So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize