every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
