I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
