hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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