I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize