I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
