Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he thought i was a dude.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
