Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you had me at cake vodka
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
