Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
