hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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