I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
