Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
