Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
