Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
