I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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