Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
