im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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