the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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