Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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