god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
