why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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