WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
