someone owes me an orgasm
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize