im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
