He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
