i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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