so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
