Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
