Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
