No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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