just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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