Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
