the condom got lost in my hair
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize