did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
