I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
