If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
