I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize