I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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