I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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