why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
