i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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