I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just invented taco cereal.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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