I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Someone shattered a urinal.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
