my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
