I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
