Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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