I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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