Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
