i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
