Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize