if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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