Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
