Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
