please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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