the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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