hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
