matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
