Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
