Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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