It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
