I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
