Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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