Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
