I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
