Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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