i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
