Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
