super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
